index

<img src="99/99s2.png"> the deceased is carried, usually by the eldest living men of the family, on foot down from the place of worship or home, to the place of final resting. [[99 northwards->99sb2]] [[99 southwards->99s3]]

<img src="99/99s1.png"> for most of history, funeral processions were on foot affairs. [[99 northwards->99sb2]] [[99 southwards->99s2]]

<img src="99/99s3.png"> in the industrialization of the world, funeral processions are now performed in motorcades, in hearses, in the privacy of our own vehicles as we follow behind the deceased. [[99 northwards->99sb2]] [[99 southwards->99s4]]

<img src="99/99s4.png"> the highway is one of the preminent markers of the modern civilization. [[99 northwards->99sb4]] [[99 southwards->99s5]]

<img src="99/99sb4.jpg"> [[99 northwards->99sb2]] [[99 southwards->99s3]]

<img src="surveillance/dawatcher386079_1.png"> [[keep watching->surveillance2]]

<img src="surveillance/dawatcher386079_2.png"> [[keep watching->surveillance3]]

<img src="surveillance/dawatcher386079_3.png"> [[keep watching->surveillance4]]

<img src="surveillance/dawatcher386079_4.png"> [[keep watching->surveillance5]]

<img src="surveillance/dawatcher386079_5.png"> [[keep watching->surveillance6]]

<img src="surveillance/dawatcher386079_6.png"> [[keep watching->surveillance7]]

[[<img src="wikipedia/surveillance1.png" title="keep watching">->surveillance8]] <img src="wikipedia/surveillance2.png"> <img src="wikipedia/surveillance3.png">

<img src="99/99sb5.jpg"> [[99 northwards->99sb4]] [[99 southwards->99s4]]

<img src="99/99s5.png"> the first transcontinental highway in the united states is the Lincoln Highway, concieved as a way of connecting the distant east and west coasts and everywhere in between. [[99 northwards->99sb4]] [[99 southwards->99s6]]

<img src="99/99s6.png"> similarly the canadian pacific railway was concieved as canada's transcontinental route, connecting the east and west coast. [[99 northwards->99sb5]] [[99 southwards->99s7]]

<img src="99/99sb6.png"> [[99 northwards->99sb5]] [[99 southwards->99s5]]

<img src="99/99s7.png"> [[99 northwards->99sb6]] [[99 southwards->99s6]]

<img src="99/99s7.png"> the highway 99, also called the sea-to-sky in british columbia runs parallel to the canadian pacific railway. this portion being travelled is the howe sound, a body of water that separates west vancouver and the sunshine coast in the north. [[99 northwards->99sb6]] [[99 southwards->99s8]]

need2: ./assets/need2.mp3 fromyou: ./disco/fromyou.ogg roads: ./assets/roads.mp3

[[<img src="99/dashcam2.jpg">->surveillance1]]

<img src="99/99s8.png"> you can take the off ramp exit 4 here to visit horseshoe bay, and later the sunshine coast or vancouver island. continuing southwards continues the funeral procession, going north will take you back in time through different photos (if you haven't tried already), and taking the exit will let you travel through a parallel memory. [[99 northwards->99sb7]] [[exit 4 - woodgreen dr.->horseshoebay1]] [[99 southwards->99s9]]

<img src="99/99s9.png"> vancouver is the west coasts hub of modernity. located in vancouver is the 99, highway 1 and the trans canada highway which again follows much of the canadian pacific railway, as well as the hub for the lower main land region of british columbia, and our international airport YVR. [[99 northwards->99sb8]] [[99 southwards->99s10]]

<img src="99/99s10.png"> the highway 99 here will split off from the brief connection it has with highway 1 (trans canada highway) and turn south to go towards vancouver. [[99 northwards->99sb9]] [[99 southwards->99s11]]

<img src="99/horseshoebayb1.jpg"> [[99 northwards->99sb7]] [[99 southwards->99s7]]

<img src="99/99sb9.png"> [[99 northwards->99sb8]] [[99 southwards->99s8]]

<img src="99/99s11.png"> you can take the off ramp going to exit 13 to continue the funeral procession, or travel eastwards with highway 1 to travel parallel in a memory. [[99 northwards->99sb10]] [[exit 13 - taylor way vancouver ->van1f]] [[highway 1 eastwards->99s12]]

<img src="99/horseshoebay2.png"> [[horsehoe bay ferry route ->horseshoebay3]]

<img src="99/horseshoebay3.png"> [[horsehoe bay ferry route ->horseshoebay4]]

[[<img src="99/horseshoebay4.png">->horseshoebay5]]

<img src="99/horseshoebay1.png"> [[horsehoe bay ferry route ->horseshoebay2]]

[[<img src="wikipedia/surveillance4.jpg">->surveillance9]]

[[<img src="wikipedia/surveillance5.png">->surveillance10]]

<img src="surveillance/van.png"> [[keep watching->surveillance11]]

<img src="surveillance/202511261845.jpg"> psychosis is defined by multiple of the following symptoms: [[keep watching->surveillance10b]]

<img src="surveillance/202511261901.jpg"> delusions, which often taken on persecutory, referential, grandiose, somatic, bizairre characteristics. [[keep watching->surveillance10c]]

<img src="surveillance/202511261919.jpg"> hallucinations, often thought of as "voices" but can also be visual, auditory, tactile or related to taste and smell. [[keep watching->surveillance10d]]

<img src="surveillance/202511261931.jpg"> disorganized thought or speech, resulting in word salad, confused or tangential thought, or jumping between ideas with no coherence. [[keep watching->surveillance10e]]

<img src="surveillance/202511261945.jpg"> disorganized behaviour or abnormal motor behaviour, refering often to disorganization in dress, posture or movement, as well as catatonia. [[keep watching->surveillance10f]]

<img src="surveillance/202511262003.jpg"> out of the five criteron for psychosis, most forgotten are the negative symptoms which refer to the absence of normal behaviour instead of addition to. these can be flat affect, diminished facial movement, lack of motivation and capacity for pleasure, lack of social interest and participation. [[keep watching->surveillance10g]]

<img src="surveillance/202511262015.jpg"> often psychosis is made out to be violent and dangerous for those surrounding the psychotic episode, when in reality the affected is more likely that they are to be harmed by others, harm themselves in some capacity, be taken advantage of emotionally or physically, and those who experience a psychotic episode in their life are more likely to pass from suicide. [[keep watching->surveillance10h]]

<img src="surveillance/202511262031.jpg"> in personal experience, i experienced persecutory delusions, auditory and tactile hallucinations, catatonia, and negative symptoms during a series of episodes. [[keep watching->surveillance10j]]

<img src="surveillance/202511262049.jpg"> throughout these, i experienced most strongly the fear of being observed. [[keep watching->surveillance10k]]

<img src="surveillance/202511262101.jpg"> from the comfort of my home, i watched cars park across the street and looked for cameras in their windows, and looked behind me when i punched in door codes. [[keep watching->surveillance10l]]

<img src="surveillance/202511262119.jpg"> i experienced a low level of paranoia for months at a time, which affected my personal life and academic life. [[keep watching->surveillance10m]]

<img src="surveillance/202511262133.jpg"> at the time i attended an alternate school (differentiated from an alternative school which may simply practice other schooling methods) for students experiencing trouble academically, domestically or emotionally. [[keep watching->surveillance10n]]

<img src="surveillance/202511262147.jpg"> i was very lucky to be able to access those resources, but i'll never forget how i was treated. [[keep watching->surveillance10o]]

<img src="surveillance/202511262203.jpg"> in later episodes as a developing theme in my disorganized and tangential thought processes, i was not only persecuted but contaminated. [[keep watching->surveillance10p]]

<img src="surveillance/202511262215.jpg"> i felt as though i was being contained, as a by-product of having to attend the school and the classes that i did. i was sure that there was something wrong with me, that could be seen under me and through me clear as day. [[keep watching->surveillance10q]]

<img src="surveillance/202511261845.jpg"> i felt compulsions to stay clean whatever was making me wrong, to stay clean of myself. [[keep watching->surveillance10r]]

<img src="surveillance/202511261845.jpg"> i began developing hand washing habits akin to those with ocd (which i was later diagnosed with, for unrelated reasons to psychotic episodes) and was particularly afraid of being poisoned maliciously by my non-existant bad actors. [[keep watching->surveillance10s]]

<img src="surveillance/202511261845.jpg"> what was most revealing to me about psychosis was the treatment. i felt isolated, stupid and scared for not being able to differentiate my delusions from reality. i was not given time or understanding. [[keep watching->surveillance10t]]

<img src="surveillance/202511261845.jpg"> after my episodes subsided (of which i have been 3 years without a psychotic break) i was acutely aware of how i had been treated. i was for many of my teachers and friends, no longer able to speak with them because i knew that when i was vulnerable, i wasn't really a person to them. [[keep watching->surveillance10u]]

<img src="surveillance/202511261845.jpg"> later, my father passed away after a prolonged schizophrenic episode. [[keep watching->surveillance10v]]

<img src="surveillance/202511261845.jpg"> he expressed to me in the two years before his death his fears of being pursued. [[keep watching->surveillance10w]]

<img src="surveillance/202511261845.jpg"> to his credit, i'm told he did many, many very dangerous things in his 20s that made him someone worth hunting. [[keep watching->surveillance10x]]

<img src="surveillance/202511261845.jpg"> sometimes i wonder if psychosis is inheritable. not the condition, but the delusions, the fears, the anguish. [[keep watching->surveillance10y]]

<img src="surveillance/202511261845.jpg"> i expressed to him during our coinciding episodes 6-7 months before he passes that ptsd was passed down from parent to child in the form of depression and that he had contaminated me, made me unlikable and sad. [[keep watching->surveillance10z]]

<img src="surveillance/202511261845.jpg"> he told me to get my shit together. [[keep watching us->surveillance11]] [[get your shit together->van5f]] [[but i dont want to get my shit together!->disco1]]

<video width="100%" height="auto" autoplay loop> <source src="https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_t6itizOMWK1zgtkuw.mp4" type="video/mp4"> </video> <video width="100%" height="auto" autoplay loop> <source src="https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_t6gz4lMr2A1zgtkuw.mp4" type="video/mp4"> </video> <video width="100%" height="auto" autoplay loop> <source src="https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_t6da54XZUI1zgtkuw.mp4" type="video/mp4"> </video> <video width="100%" height="auto" autoplay loop> <source src="https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_t6bf0vV7hw1zgtkuw.mp4" type="video/mp4"> </video> <video width="100%" height="auto" autoplay loop> <source src="https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_t6itxhJ6u61zgtkuw_720.mp4" type="video/mp4"> </video> [[keep watching->surveillance10a]] [[leave->van44f]]

<img src="99/99n1.png"> [[99 northwards->99n2]] [[99 southwards->99nb1]]

<img src="99/99nb.png"> [[99 northwards->99n3]] [[99 southwards->99nb2]]

<img src="99/99nb1.png"> [[99 northwards->99n2]]

<img src="99/99n3.png"> [[99 northwards->99n4]]

[[<img src="art/GnPBeQfWAAAE3KA.png">->99m2]] (track: 'roads', 'play')

<img src="99/99s11.png"> the [[canadian pacific railway->cpr1]] doesn't actually go cross country like the trans canada highway does (although this is still considered transcontinental). it was built specifically to connect british columbia to eastern canada as a bid to have british columbia join the confederation. [[99 northwards->99sb11]] [[highway 1 eastwards->99s13]]

<img src="van/van1f.png"> vancouvers regions are anachronistically named like east van, which refers generally to the mount pleasant, downtown-eastside and everything past towards burnaby (a different city)- or north vancouver, city of north vancouver and west vancouver which are technically all independent municipalities. confusingly, the west-side is vancouvers west half, but not west vancouver (city) or the west-end which is part of downtown vancouver (which is at the north of vancouver, but not across the burard inlet with north vancouver or the city of north vancouver). [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->99sb11]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van2f]]

<img src="van/van2f.png"> taylor way exit will take us through a small portion of a north vancouver community, down into this busy intersection that's surrounded on 3/4 blocks by a mall and into a very busy intersection that filters traffic merging from taylor way onto the bridge. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van1b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van3f]]

chinese immigrants black history in vancouver living in east van? too personal? bc ferries lions gate bridge should take you to surveillance maybe? surveillance takes you to psychosis yvr. can we get to mexico? the bridge taylor way takes is the lions gate bridge, and further down following the trans canada highway is the iron workers memorial bridge. reading from the names of those who died and the fact that the ethnicity of any these men is not mentioned, the men who passed in the construction of the second narrows bridge were likely white. thats not to say the iron workers bridge shouldn't be called what is, but rather that the question of who makes our highways, our railways, our funeral procession motorcade pathways- is not often called into question. in the end, what gets named after what tragedy isn't all that important. only in 2006 did the canadian government begin issuing repayments to Chinese Canadians affected by the Chinese head-tax which ended in 1923, only because the Chinese Immigration Act was put into place effectively stopping Chinese immigration. the issue is not naming or honorifics, much in the same vein as reconciliation and the performative act of a land acknowledgement, but rather in the actions of the government whose power affects our every day lives. one wonders about the blood and sweat in the land here. our modern roads are funeral processions for who? we drive roads covered in the blood of the indigenous peoples of turtle island, concerned with the death of our polite civilization. vancouver rests on the unceded territory of the Squamish, Musqueam and Tsleil-Waututh. we don't have bridges for them, we don't have streets or highways or rivers named for them. all across turtle island, we live on unceded land. <a href="https://www.indigenouswatchdog.org/2025/03/05/trc-calls-to-action-status-may-13-2022/"> indigenous watchdog </a> tells us that of 94 calls to action, 40% are stalled or not started. which means 60% are complete or in progress, except that it's been 10 years since the truth and reconciliation call to actions were released on june 2, 2015. it seems that alongside roads as a space's marker of modernity, they also represesent a paved over history, quite literally.

<img src="van/van1b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->99sb11]] [[taylor way going vancouver->99s11]]

<img src="van/van3f.png"> the bridge about to be crossed (after we get off taylor way) is called first narrows bridge, except that everyone calls it the lions gate bridge. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van2b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van4f]]

no img [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->99sb10]] [[taylor way going vancouver->99s10]]

<img src="van/van4f.png"> the name will become apparent shortly, but lions gate bridge was constructed during the great depression in 1937 and opened in 1938. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van3b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van5f]]

<img src="van/van2b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van1b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van1f]]

<img src="van/van5f.png"> in 1952 a third reversible lane was added to the bridge controlled with signs. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van4b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van6f]]

<img src="van/van3b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van2b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van2f]]

<img src="van/van6f.png"> 1939 was also the year World War II began. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van5b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van7f]]

<img src="van/van4b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van3b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van3f]]

<img src="van/van7f.png"> until 1941, canadian involvement in WWII was very small. burard inlet would have been very busy as vancouver was a ship building city. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van6b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van8f]]

<img src="van/van5b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van4b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van4f]]

<img src="van/van8f.png"> 1941 was pearl harbour and anti-asian sentiment in vancouver overflowed as Japanese Canadians living on the coast were put in internment camps or incarcerated for resisting. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van7b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van9f]]

<img src="van/van6b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van5b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van5f]]

<img src="van/van9f.png"> not only was anti-japanese sentiment high, the chinese head tax had ended in 1923 and was replaced by the chinese immigration act which stopped most chinese immigrants with a few exceptions. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van8b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van10f]]

<img src="van/van7b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van6b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van6f]]

<img src="van/van10f.png"> now, vancouvers ethnic makeup from ~600,000 people from statcan looks like ~159,000 Chinese, ~13,000 Japanese, ~11,000 Koreans, ~38,000 Filipinos, ~17,000 Vietnamese, and many more not just from east or south east asia, but also all over the world of every ethnicity. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van9b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van11f]]

<img src="van/van8b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van7b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van7f]]

<img src="van/van11f.png"> in a lot of ways, in a country as """liberal""" as canada, it's hard to imagine how segregation and racism were so integral to the identity of canadians just 80 something years ago. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van10b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van12f]] (link: "look left")[ [[<img src="van/van11l.png">->gateway]] ] (link: "look right")[<img src="van/van11r.png">]

<img src="van/van9b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van8b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van8f]]

<img src="van/van12f.png"> here, lions gate bridge enters into stanley park here and vancouver proper begins. racial segretation in canada is often ignored in favour of looking southwards below the border. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van11b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van13f]] (link: "look left")[<img src="van/van12l.png">] (link: "look right")[<img src="van/van12r.png">]

<img src="van/van10b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van9b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van9f]]

<img src="99/99s11.png"> the construction of the railway took 4 years. in british columbia, 17,000 Chinese workers who were underpaid, put in dangerous conditions and suffered casualties of 600, of which is believed to be around 2,200 in actuality. [[99 northwards->99sb12]] [[highway 1 eastwards->99s14]]

<img src="99/99s11.png"> those Chinese workers were given the tasks of demolitions and suffered terrible working conditions. [[99 northwards->99sb13]] [[highway 1 eastwards->99s15]]

no img [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->99sb9]] [[taylor way going vancouver->99s9]]

<img src="van/van13f.png"> in making a modern conception of the self, comparasion is the tool that assures non-regression. we're very concerned with staying modern, staying contemporary, with new and improved values. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van12b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van14f]]

<img src="van/van11b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van10b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van10f]]

<img src="van/van14f.png"> segregation is one of the great shames of the old american world, where canadians have never really been. politics south of the border are so old and regressive, //unlike canada//, which is new and cleaner and better and //more polite of course//. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van13b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van15f]]

<img src="van/van12b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van11b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van11f]]

<img src="van/van13b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van12b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van12f]]

<img src="van/van15f.png"> in many ways, this is true. in many others, canada is an equal, complicit and more silent killer of leftist politics, ideals and policy. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van14b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van16f]]

<img src="van/van16f.png"> an interesting thought i had proposed to me though was the idea that every leftist across the world thinks their own country, their state and their government is a unique evil, one more terrible than everyone else's. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van15b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van17f]]

<img src="van/van14b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van13b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van13f]]

[[<img src="ferry/IMG_4173.jpg">->horseshoebay6]]

east vancouver is a diverse and now particularly gentrified section of vancouver. it's main regions are main street (debatable), mount pleasant (gentrified), strathcona, hastings (downtown-eastside), grandview, kensington, killarney, renfrew and fraserview. east vancouver is a diverse and now particularly gentrified section of vancouver. it's main regions are main street (debatable), mount pleasant (gentrified), strathcona, hastings (downtown-eastside), grandview, kensington, killarney, renfrew and fraserview. debatably, mount pleasant isn't east vancouver, although it feels and acts and was for many years, treated as such. it's a

<img src="99/99s11.png"> in the end, in vancouver, the bridges are named for the 23 men killed across the construction of the iron worker's memorial bridge. demo ends here. [[99 northwards->99sb13]] [[highway 1 eastwards->99s15]]

[[<img src="van/gateway/gateway1.jpg">->van11f]]

[[<img src="van/gateway/gateway2.jpg">->gateway3]]

[[<img src="van/gateway/gateway3.jpg">->gateway4 ]]

[[<img src="van/gateway/gateway4.jpg">->gateway5]]

[[<img src="van/gateway/gateway5.jpg">->gateway6]]

[[<img src="van/gateway/gateway6.jpg">->gateway7]]

[[<img src="van/gateway/gateway7.jpg">->gateway8]]

[[<img src="van/gateway/gateway8.jpg">->gateway9]]

[[<img src="van/gateway/gateway9.jpg">->gateway10]]

[[<img src="van/gateway/gateway10.jpg">->gateway11]]

[[<img src="van/gateway/gateway11.jpg">->gateway1]]

[[<img src="van/gateway/gateway12.jpg">->gateway2]]

[[<video width="100%" loop autoplay> <source src="ferry/IMG_4174.mp4" type="video/mp4"> </video>->horseshoebay7]]

[[<img src="ferry/IMG_4424.jpg">->horseshoebay8]]

[[<img src="ferry/IMG_4332.jpg">->horseshoebay9]]

[[<img src="ferry/IMG_4315.jpg">->horseshoebay10]]

[[<img src="ferry/IMG_4304.jpg">->horseshoebay11]]

[[<img src="ferry/IMG_1324.jpg">->horseshoebay12]]

[[<img src="ferry/IMG_4333.jpg">->horseshoebay10]] [[<img src="ferry/IMG_4424.jpg">->horseshoebay11]]

[[<img src="ferry/IMG_4424.jpg">->horseshoebay13]]

[[<img src="ferry/IMG_0509.jpg">->99s8]]

<img src="van/van15b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van14b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van14f]]

<img src="van/van17f.png"> all across the world, every colonized country experiences a parallel progression from before and after, a parallel healing of culture and identity, and a parallel funeral procession for everything lost. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van16b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van18f]]

<img src="van/van16b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van15b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van15f]]

<img src="van/van18.png"> in many ways, british columbias entrance into white mans modernity was the canadian pacific railway. thinking about the lives lost making the railway turns every trip on the highway into one long, winding, highspeed funeral procession. [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van17b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van19f]]

<img src="van/van19.png"> when i think about it like that, theres no more turning back. [[georgia st viaduct southbound->van20f]]

<img src="van/van20.png"> every road becomes a funeral procession for someone. [[georgia st viaduct southbound->van21f]]

<img src="van/van21.png"> in 2023, according to the U.S. Bereau of Labor Statistics, there were 68 highway, street and bridge construction related worker deaths. in 2022, the government of Canada listed ROAD fatal injury amongst workers the highest at 44 deaths which was an increase from 2021's 23 deaths which again, was highest that year across all reported sectors. [[georgia st viaduct southbound->van22f]]

<img src="van/van22.png"> collision statistics in canada for 2023 lists vehicle fatalities at 1,954, "the highest count in the last 10 years." [[georgia st viaduct southbound->van23f]]

<img src="van/van23.png"> the bc coroners office lists unregulated drug toxicity deaths in 2025 at 1538 (not including november and december), 2024 at 2315, 2023 at 2589, and so on and so forth until it becomes impossible to look at this city any other way. [[georgia st viaduct southbound->van24f]]

<img src="van/van17b.png"> [[taylor way going squamish/whistler->van16b]] [[taylor way going vancouver->van16f]]

<img src="disco/2.png"> [[(Shake your head.) "No."->disco2]]

<img src="disco/2.png"> (track: 'fromyou', 'play') [[Get your shit togther.->art1]] [[Examine THE HANGED MAN.->disco3]]

[[<img src="art/archetypes.png">->art2]] disco elysium 2019, ZA/UM. when i recieved the game, it was a gift from my elder brother in december of 2021. my father was still alive, but he had left for mexico on what would be his penultimate journey, and we were not on talking terms.

[[<img src="art/revacholiere.png">->art3]] he never got the chance to play it, he didn't get the chance to do a lot of things. i think sometimes it could have saved him, but if anything could have saved him, then i wouldn't be writing this. sometimes, there is nothing we can do for another person.

[[<img src="art/roads.png">->art4]] sometimes, decisions are so set in stone that there is nothing to do but watch the inevitable course take place. sometimes, the car crash will always happen, from the moment you turned the engine on.

[[<img src="art/road.png">->van44f]] sometimes, a funeral procession can happen while a person is still alive.

<img src="99/99sb1.jpg"> [[99 northwards->99hub]] [[99 southwards->99s2]]

<img src="assets/title.png"> use cursor to navigate, hover images for possible alternate paths. you can use the buttons on the left to go back to a previous decision, or to restart the game. [[99 southwards->99s1]]

(append: ?sidebar)[(icon-restart:"⟲")] (append: ?sidebar)[<p style="font-size: 15px;"> this is a demo. if you get stuck anywhere, use the buttons here to restart or go back to a previous passage.</p>]

<img src="van/van24.png"> vancouver is generally a lovely city, except that it's funeral procession has a never ending song called the ambulance siren. [[georgia st viaduct southbound->van25f]]

<img src="van/van25.png"> canada pages lists 31 hospitals in vancouver, serving over 600,000 people. [[georgia st viaduct southbound->van26f]]

<img src="van/van26.png"> canada pages also shows 37 entries for police departments in vancouver. imagine how often that sound plays, for someone to hear a siren for the last time. [[georgia st viaduct southbound->van27f]]

<img src="van/van27.png"> i haven't lived in vancouver for about 5 years now. i don't plan on ever moving back. [[georgia st viaduct southbound->van28f]]

<img src="van/van28.png"> knowing a place intimately like a city, like a home, like a road, it becomes very difficult not to feel a sort of waking, walking grief. [[georgia st viaduct southbound->van29f]]

<img src="van/van29.png"> cities change, roads are removed, buildings are torn down. cities have a breathing ecosystem of economics, population, density, housing, crime, transporation, manufacturing, etc. [[georgia st viaduct southbound->van30f]]

<img src="van/van30.png"> ecosystems struggle, they change, they grow or they peter out. [[georgia st viaduct southbound->van31f]]

<img src="van/van31.png"> vancouver's ecosystem is struggling indefinitely with a drug crisis that is being poorly handled with police violence. the ecosystem is also fleeting, around 3000-4000 people departed vancouver during covid and only gained around 1000. a housing market crisis and affordability have not been solved or metered and people like me and my family are no longer able to afford the city, nor the emotional task of living in such a hollowed version of the past. [[main st southbound->van32f]]

<img src="van/van32.png"> vancouver's current solution is building affordable housing, which requires investing stupidly large amounts of money into high risk investment projects in the construction sector (of which there is a shortage of professionals for aforementioned reasons). [[main st southbound->van33f]]

<img src="van/van33.png"> the city will inveitably struggle to make dividends and profit will be negative and to solve that, the housing being built will be split into a smaller portion of affordable apartments and a large portion of luxury apartments. [[main st southbound->van34f]]

[[<img src="van/van34.png">->fraser1]] in terms of housing developments, it's highly likely that the house i lived the majority of my childhood in will be rezoned into higher density housing, torn down, rebuilt and given priority to luxury renters and buyers. currently, it stands as a co-operative housing unit reserved for lower income families. [[main st southbound->van35f]]

<img src="van/van35.png"> there will be resentment for years to come, as there has been resentment for years past. irregardless of ones personal achievements, luck or hard work, they have access to more. it is hard to live under the foot of those with more than you. [[main st southbound->van36f]]

<img src="van/van36.png"> in 2024, the top 40% in disposable income distribution were 46.9 percentage over the bottom 40% of the income distribution in vancouver. it's an extreme disparity between those with and those without. [[main st southbound->van37f]]

<img src="van/van37.png"> there are a lot of studies linking poverty and depression. it's a known factor in early-development that effects individuals with life-long mental-illness and cognitive development. [[main st southbound->van38f]]

[[<img src="house/house2.JPG">->fraser2]]

<img src="van/van38.png"> all members of my immediate family have experienced with lifelong depression, and in some instances, c-ptsd, and have struggled with poverty. [[main st southbound->van39f]]

<img src="van/van39.png"> not only that, without resources or information, my parents were unaware of autism spectrum disorder which i was diagnosed with 2 years ago. [[main st southbound->van40f]]

<img src="van/van40.png"> autism and schizophrenia are highly linked co-morbid disorders. those with autism can 3-6 times more likely to develop schizophrenia according to recent published material. [[main st southbound->van41f]]

<img src="van/van41.png"> amongst disorders with psychosis, major depressive disorder can present with psychosis as a feature. i was retroactively diagnosed with major depressive since age 11 by a psychiatrist, and was told that during the period of 3 years from 2020-2023 that it had developed from such extreme stressors to feature psychotic symptoms. [[main st southbound->van42f]]

<img src="van/van42.png"> i have strong evidence to believe that autism in the family is paternal (although mood disorders seem to be matrilineal) and that my father was diagnosed with schizophrenia late in his life. [[main st southbound->van43f]]

<img src="van/van43.png"> despite featuring nigh identical symptoms and coinciding episodes, the shape of psychotic episodes between myself and my father was very different. [[main st southbound->van44f]]

[[dashcam<-<img src="van/van44.png">]] the severity was different as well. from what i know of him, he could have had schizophrenia since his twenties and not have known or had any psychotic breaks for the period he was a father. he expressed many times a fear of being persecuted, of being surveilled. [[sw marine dr westbound->van45f]]

<img src="van/van45.png"> to his credit, i'm told he did many, many very dangerous things in his 20s that made him someone worth hunting. [[sw marine dr westbound->van46f]]

[[<img src="house/house3.jpg">->fraser3]]

[[<img src="house/house4.jpg">->fraser4]]

[[<img src="house/house5.jpg">->fraser5]]

[[<img src="house/house6.jpg">->fraser6]]

[[<img src="house/house7.jpg">->van34f]]

[[<img src="funeral/IMG_0587.jpg">->funeral2]] in may of 2022, my father passed away. many years before that, in 2008 or 2009, a friend of his passed away. he had been a fellow artist, a mentor, an english teacher (as my father is a mexican immigrant),

<img src="van/van46.png"> he would leave canada in december of 2021 for what would be his penultimate journey. [[sw marine dr westbound->van47f]]

<img src="van/van47.png"> we don't usually drive cars over sidewalks or over barriers. the road is a preordained pathway and while we might meander from destination to destination, the white and yellow lines keep us confined. [[sw marine dr westbound->van48f]]

<img src="van/van48.png"> there are like roads, decisions that lock a person into a preordained path. [[sw marine dr westbound->van49f]]

<img src="van/van49.png"> conditions like class, race, gender, location, all of these effect the decisions we make. we are by design, put on a path and social mobility can be very difficult. [[sw marine dr westbound->van50f]]

<img src="van/van50.png"> our opportunities to change, to break out are limited. [[arthur liang bridge southbound->van51f]]

<img src="van/van51.png"> as many when faced with great loss, i wonder often if there were things i could have done to change what happened. [[arthur liang bridge southbound->van52f]]

<img src="van/van52.png"> a difficult truth to accept is that just like the conditions we're born into and the decisions not that could be made, but //can// be made, is that just like i cannot control whether some idiot on the road uses their turn signal, i could not have changed anything. [[arthur liang bridge southbound->van53f]]

<img src="van/van53.png"> some decisions are set in stone by autonomous people driving their own cars. [[arthur liang bridge southbound->van54f]]

<img src="van/van54.png"> some cars will always crash. [[arthur liang bridge southbound->van55f]]

<img src="van/van55.png"> whats nice about google maps, about photos and videos, is the ability to replay moments. [[arthur liang bridge southbound->van56f]]

<img src="van/van56.png"> for the period that you are immersed in a picture, it is a flat plane with no movement. time doesn't have to pass, a city can be still. [[arthur liang bridge southbound->van57f]]

<img src="van/van57.png"> an ecosystem can pause to breath, a moving car can be still and a highway, which can not be stopped on, can be given a moment to be viewed in a totally stationary manner, which is normally only possible when parked or stopped at a light. [[arthur liang bridge southbound->van58f]]

for the period that you are immersed in a picture, it is a flat plane with no movement. time doesn't have to pass, a city can be still. an ecosystem can pause to breath, a moving car can be still and a highway, which can not be stopped on, can be given a moment to be viewed in a totally stationary manner, which is normally only possible when parked or stopped at a light.